One of the reasons why I started She’s a Writer was because I wanted to create something real. I noticed that online was becoming synonymous with the term ‘en fleek.’ That we only see the best versions of people – whether it’s filtered selfies, epic adventures, or major achievements. Of course I’m happy for them, but it seems many people are choosing to leave their flaws, imperfections and awkward moments – the moments that are making them wonderfully human – offline.
So today I thought I’d delve into some of my awkward moments over the last few years. The Bridget Jones style epic fails that at the time, made me want to crawl under a rock, but I can now laugh about and accept the fact that I’m human. Whilst I don’t have the picture perfect, social butterfly lifestyle, I do have some rather funny stories to tell.
The Prada bag incident
A couple of months ago, I attended a revision session in London for my online marketing course. Things were going seemingly well. I was sat in the seminar room, chatting away with a girl studying at the London College of Fashion. I couldn’t help but notice her gorgeous Prada bag, it was quite the work of art. So of course, I said “I like your bag, where’s it from?” and she happily said thank you and told me it was from Prada.
There – that is where our conversation should have ended. But no.
Instead, my fashionista revision buddy said “I like your bag too, where is it from?” To the right of her beautiful, sassy af Prada bag was my £12 tote bag from Peacocks that had actually broken on my train journey in. It was supposed to have two gold metal panels on either side, but as I had put my bag onto the train table, one panel conveniently fell off. Back to my revision class and my revision buddy trying to look like she loved my bag but we both knew the truth and it was pretty awkward.
Fear not, this is no saucy escapade with a handsome lothario, nor is it an inappropriate anecdote to be sharing on my blog. Last year me and my best friend Chelsea went on our first girls holiday to Turkey and wow, it was the best holiday ever. We arrived at the hotel at about 1am and were greeted by a very friendly male Turkish receptionist. He gave us our wristbands and told us that because we’d arrived late and had missed dinner, we had complimentary food waiting just for us in the dining room.
So after dumping our stuff in the room and starfishing on our huuuuuuge bed, we headed down to the dining hall where we were greeted by a chef who had prepared some cold food, fruit and drinks. How lovely. We began eating when look who showed up, friendly reception man. He started up a conversation and was soon offering us complimentary wine. We politely declined, knowing fulwell that after hours of travelling, all we wanted was bed. But then he insisted he could come to our room and we could have as much free white wine as we wanted all night.
“I know your game mister,” Chelsea and I telepathically thought, so again, we said no and friendly reception man smiled and started to walk out of the dinner hall. He turned back and said “free wine!” In fact he said “free wine” multiple times. “Free wine girls, free wine, free wine, free wine… big penis.”
SORRY, WHAT? Chelsea and I stared at each other in complete shock, as friendly and now slightly creepy reception man winked at us and just left. OH BYE THEN BIG PENIS MAN. Why did he say that? How did it go from complimentary bread and cheese, to an offer of unlimited wine, to big penis?! I don’t want to know! We didn’t exactly look appealing, unless he was into the whole just got off a four hour flight, tired and sweaty look.
So what did we do, you ask? We ran. We grabbed our apples (no euphemism intended), waited for our pervy friend to disappear and then ran up four flights of stairs to our room (the lift was too slow). Needless to say we collapsed back on our bed in fits of giggles and spent the remainder of the holiday muttering ‘big penis’ to each other at every possible moment.
I fell over in the rain and looked like roadkill
This one pretty much explains itself. Before I had my car I used to catch the train to work, so my mom would drop me off at the station every morning. I’d been running late, as ever, and with Britain’s infamous drizzly weather making an appearance, the traffic was not on my side. Our little car went from chugging along, struggling between second and third gear to racing alongside my incoming train, which would leave for the next stop in approximately thirty seconds.
Jumping out of the car, I gave a hurried “goodbye!” to my mom and ran for the train. But then the world slowed. I came tumbling to the ground, first my knees and then my elbow crashing against the concrete road before my whole body was on its side. I lay there, only for a few seconds before I remembered where I was. The carpark. And as the title rightly says, no one helped me. It was full to the brim of cars and just metres from a platform of people ready to make the morning commute. Yet no one so much as said are you ok, as I lay on the ground, my concrete crib, in the rain.
But instead of lying there like some forgotten roadkill, I picked myself up. Thankfully my mom has seen me and was just stopping the car. I hurled myself into the comfort of the pink car and my mom’s reassuring “It’ll be ok”’s and… I cried. The floodgates were overflowing at it was only 7.45am – it was going to be a long day.
Accidentally stealing my brother’s thunder at his prom
Of all the stories, this possibly makes me cringe the most. So my brother James recently had his Year 11 prom. He and his friends all looked amazing and me, my mom and all the other families were taking pictures in one of the girl’s houses. Me and my mom decided to make a quick exit so we could get to the prom venue in time to take pictures when James and his friends arrived.
They would be travelling in a vintage campervan and as me and my mom were about to leave, the campervan driver decided to tell us all about his pride and joy. Little Mix and Ella Henderson had supposedly been in this campervan – great stuff. Conscious of the time, I tried to leave but campervan man insisted I sat in the driver’s seat and had a photo. “But if they all walk out it’ll look like I’m stealing their spotlight!” I told him. But like big penis man with the free wine, he kept insisting I had a photo and this time, I said a reluctant yes.
Like a beached whale, I hauled myself into this campervan (they’re surprisingly hard to get into!) and posed for the photo. It was sunny, I was smiling and I thought “This would make a great picture for my blog.” When suddenly, I heard voices. Oh no. I peered to my left and noticed James and five other sixteen year olds awkwardly standing by their campervan, that they had paid for – that I was sat posing in. They didn’t look impressed. This time I didn’t run – I still had to drive my mom and I to the prom venue – so I said as many sorry’s as I could in two minutes and shamefully drove away.
So those are my awkward moments in all their glory – hurray. Yes they’re embarrassing as hell, but I wanted She’s a Writer to be transparent and today I think you got that!
Are you prone to awkward situations like I am? Let me know yours and we’ll share the embarrassment together – I’ll even bring free wine to your room (sorry you’ve got to find big penis man for that).